Happy New Day

So today I woke up, as per usual, and made my rounds with the morning routine.

Roll out of bed, growl a few times, pet the pup, kick some cats, turn on the news (why do I turn on the news in the mornings?), feel sad about the news, drink some 'joe (that will put a smile on your face!), and on and on.

Then I step on the scale, again, as per usual.

Why do I do this to myself? As if Kim's screaming, yelling, bitching and rude comments isn't enough to make me stop.

To my delight, I am somewhere around 8 pounds lighter than the day before.  Let's just scoot this around and see if I weigh the same 4" to the right. Then I weigh about 5 pounds less.  One scoot forward about 6", to the right about 2", and I hit a whopping 10 pound weight loss!

Obviously, my scale is broken. I think what's more broken is ME and the time I spent actually figuring out that it was in fact broken and that I did not miraculously lose 10 pounds over night.  ((One can always have hope, right?))  The batteries are dying and this is a GREAT thing.

You see, today, is a new day. I threw that thing in my closet <<I really should throw it AWAY.. but I too am a gluten for punishment and probably will want it back at some point>> and said to hell with being a slave to the scale.  If anyone knows the impacts of stress and anxiety on bodyweight, it's me. And yet, each morning I hop on that scale expecting miracles, only to be knocked back down by a pound or two. My workouts are beastly- I have a personal trainer. I do burpees for kicks and grunt my way through painful (read: absolutely worth it & SAFE) exercises.  This badassness will result in an INCREASE in weight and yet... I've let my happiness be spelled out by 3 simple numbers on a digital scale.

Why oh why.

It just so happened that on this new day of my life, another fantastic blog, (ironic that it, too, is written by a Jessica? I think not!) http://todaywasmeaningful.wordpress.com, had a new post: because of the shoes we'll wear.  Jessica wrote all about the impact we can make on this very day, based on the shoes we choose to put on.  Do I put on my slippers today and choose not to follow my drive or do I throw on my favorite Under Armour's and hit the pavement like I know I should?

Sometimes you just need that little bit of insight from someone other than your own intellect.  I can tell myself in 20 different ways, three different languages and with the sincerity of my deepest soul that I am perfect the way I am... but it won't work. It never does. It's a learning process, a changing process.

It's the way you look at life- the way you let life look.

Being a slave to anything but your own happiness, your own dreams and desires, is nothing but a waste of time and energy. You have to figure out how to look at life.  In that discovery you will figure out the way you'll let life look. 

I look at life as a journey, no, a path of many obstacles, some are a blast, some are exhausting, some are downright painful, but they all create the life in which I want to live and smile through.  Because of this, I let life look open & unwritten.  I'll write those pages, one day at a time.  Some days will wind up blank, perhaps with a question mark, or an exclamation mark, with no additional description needed. Others will simply be summed up by one of the many inspiring posts on Pinterest. But some pages, some of those really meaningful days, or successful days, or just plain happy days, will result in pages and pages worth of stories. Pages of smiling faces, great times with friends, with family. Those pages will be full of major set backs and countered with some amazing opportunities & celebrations.  

Find your life. Decide what you'll make it and let it look that way. 

Who Gets the Cheese in Your Story?

It's been a while since my last post.  I didn't want to force one, though I've tried quite a few times. There have been quite a few blogs that started with a paragraph and just as quickly as they came out, they were deleted.  

This past week or so has been challenging to an extent.  My happiness level was low and I set out to fix that.  Selfish Jess means no blog, poor communication at best, and a lack of interest in the goings on around me. 

So, I like challenges. In fact, they make me tick. Many have said I take them too serious, I'm too competitive, I get too angry, blah blah blah.

Here's what I say to those doubters, those nay-sayers, those who don't support my enthusiasm for challenge: I challenge myself to be the best me I can be. Challenge is healthy. It implies an unwillingness to settle for anything less than superb. 

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” 

― Willie Nelson

Recently I've come to find that I'm competitive in more ways than just athletics.  There is a strong desire within me, and many others, to excel and succeed in all that we do, work, play, everything in between.  Yet many of us don't create the right pathways to reach our competitive goals.  We set goals for ourselves, we push ourselves to our limits, we race through ToughMudder (electrocution and all), sign up for a 75 mile bike ride... all for what? What is the goal in these activities? What are we reaching for?

Excellence. In each and every person's own mind, we have an idea of excellence. Of what that means to us, of how we use it to our advantage or disadvantage.  

I will fight my way to the top at my agency.

I will fight my way to that 75th mile. 

I will fight my way to happiness.

I will fight my way to the healthiest heart I can possibly have.

I will fight my way into that blasted bathing suit.

I will fight my way into a semi-completed home.

I will fight my way through any book, no matter if it's a snoozer. 

I will fight my way into relationships and I will fight to keep them strong. 

So, where are you competitive within your own life? There is a healthy balance between challenging yourself and setting yourself up for failure. We all do a little bit of both.  Many times I fail at what I challenge myself to do.  Unfortunately for those close to me, they get to hear the brunt of it.  Challenging ourselves should involve more thought, more planning.  How do we get to our goal? What do we need between now and then to ensure it is a success? I've challenged myself to become a healthier and more importantly a happier person.  So far, despite a bit of a setback, I've been on my way to being much happier and with that comes being healthier too. 

There's a lot of fight left in me... but it's dedicated to only what is worth my struggle.

Religulous

Most people know that I 'don't have a religious bone in my body.' I never have, not sure I ever will.  Do I believe in a higher power? No. Do I support those who do? Sure. Do I believe in something?

I believe in myself.

I believe that I am too blame for my actions. I believe that what I do directly impacts my future and the lives of those around me.  I don't believe that I already have a path laid out for my life. I believe that I can change it and make it what I want, without the help of a higher being.

I guess I have my own religion. I love the 10,000 foot view of Buddhism.  Buddhists practice selflessness.  They want for nothing and their lives are bountiful.  They believe that in the end, their actions and ONLY their actions are what make direct impacts on their lives.  They blame nothing but themselves. They believe in themselves. While I don't fully practice nor buy in to many of the aspects of Buddhism (not eating after noon, reaching Nirvana, worshipping multiple deities), the basic understanding and belief system is something to which I think all religions should look into.

This post comes as a direct result of the Cleveland area Catholics requesting a pardon so that they can enjoy stuffing their faces with hotdogs today: the Cleveland Indians Home Opener... on a Friday... during Lent.

I laughed. My jaw dropped. You. HAVE. to be kidding me.  Not only do I think it is absolutely ridiculous that anyone would expect the Bishop to waste time on deciding if they can or cannot have a hotdog today but also... what's more important to you? Eating a goddamn hotdog or respecting your faith? So, on every Friday during lent, Catholics show their respect and faith in Christ for the sacrifice he made... EXCEPT if Friday also happens to be a home opener.

Let me conclude this by saying: I have no religion and because of that, I am not judging anyone who practices a certain faith, especially Catholics.  What I am doing is questioning why something like this should even be considered.  I can understand requesting pardons for more serious matters... for things that come up because as we all know, life happens...I can understand requesting pardons in general, for a myriad of reasons, certainly.  What I can't understand is requesting a pardon FOR HOTDOGS.

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.” 
― Garrison Keillor