Does it strike anyone else that the older we get, the closer we are to evil and madness?
When I was 10 (guessing here. I truly don’t even remember being 10.), I wouldn’t call myself invincible or naive but I truly didn’t think the bad in the world would get to me. All of the horrible things you see on TV, in the movies, in the news: none of those would ever be a part of my life.
And yet, as I got older, maybe 16 or so, it became more and more clear that perhaps these things can touch my life. Maybe they will enter into my own world. I think I was 16 when I got into my first accident. Not a big deal, a simple fender bender. At the time, I wasn’t scared, and today I’m still not scared for my 16 year old self. Thinking back to my accident a few months ago with the semi truck, you better believe I was and am scared to death.
But now that I’m 28, pardon my french, “shit’s gettin’ real.”
I feel suffocated by the news; the insane amount of plane crashes, the horrible accidents all around and most shocking of all, while we were on vacation the following places within less than 5 miles of our own home were evacuated: the City of Bay Village, Marc’s of North Olmsted, Great Northern Mall.
Quite LITERALLY, the evil is closing in on me.
On Monday, I was given horrific news about someone in my circle. It was straight out of a Lifetime movie. The details aren’t what matters here. What matters is the fact that even to this very day, I NEVER thought I would have someone in my life affected by something so horrific. And yet, it happened. Simple as that. The news was given to me as if someone was saying “good morning.” And just like that, they walked away. Because what can you say? What can you do? You pass along the information and the burden is mine.
We can all try to be better people, better friends, better partners, better sons/daughters/cousins, etc. What we can’t do is control what comes at us; the unexpected; the unplanned; the truly (im)possible. Those are the things that threaten to break me. The things I let seep into my heart, my head and control my actions and my thoughts. I take on other burdens; I don’t know why and I don’t wish that I didn’t. But how, then, does one control the effect these burdens have on your own self? How do you take it all in, keep what you learn and rid yourself of what hurts?
I haven’t found that answer. I’m searching. I’ve been searching for some time now. I think the answer, in it’s most simplest form, is this: control what you can and battle what you can’t.
