Confessions of a First Time Momma-to-Be... Part 17

All I can say is that you aren't even born and you are shocking me, impressing me, melting me.

On November 11th, your daddy and I volunteered at Lorain County Community College to allow the students to practice ultrasound on my belly (you!).  At that point, I was 34 weeks pregnant with you, little man.  As the student started taking measurements, your belly measured at 39 weeks, your head measured at 37 weeks and your femur measured at 38 weeks - Baby Z, they estimated your weight to be 6.5 pounds (average for 34 weeks is about 4 pounds!).  Mom was shocked, dad was thrilled. But, as you'll learn eventually, there is an explanation for everything.  It was possible that you were in such a strange position that the readings were inaccurate.  The teacher decided to take her own measurements in the unlikely event that the student was measuring incorrectly.  Her results were the same as the students.  She recommended we call our doctor and see if she'd like to conduct an 'official' growth scan. Dr. Karth and Dr. Salah did.

Fast forward one week.  Dr. Salah conducts the official growth scan.  You are now measuring at 40 weeks for almost everything (your femur was at 39 weeks) and the estimated weight for you, little buddy, was 7.5 pounds.  Here are the rest of the stats:

Your original due date has been (and still is) December 20, 2015 and your gestational age is how far along mommy is.  Today, you are 36 weeks and 1 day.
With the new measurements, your gestatational age was at 40 weeks and the estimated due date is December 4, 2015.  The doctor will not change your due date BUT... you are measuring ahead in all aspects.  We go in today to see if there has been any progress.

Contractions started over this weekend which means my body is preparing to bring you into the world.  We can't wait to meet you.  It feels like you're never going to get here - we are so excited to look into your eyes, to hold your tiny (or not so tiny) body, to kiss your fingers and toes and to, for the first time in our lives, know what it's like to love something with more than we knew we were capable of.  We already love you more than words can ever express but I promise you this: love only continues to grow and the minute we get to meet you will be the first day of the rest of our lives; of loving someone so wholly and fully; of putting a small little man ahead of anything and everything we've ever wanted for ourselves because you, my son, are the most important thing in our world.

Your daddy has been spending his nights and weekends working to make sure we have everything ready for your arrival.  I hope that you take after him in so many ways and learn how to be a man from him; I hope you look up to him and I hope, in turn, he looks up to you and learns from you.  There are no limits for you - only the limits you place on yourself.

As we get closer to meeting you, I'll tell you that I'm scared. Scared because your life is in my hands; scared because I'm responsible to teach you and lead you and be an example for you.  But I'm also full of wonder and hope.  Seeing you grow up will be hard but probably the most rewarding thing I do in life.  I can't wait for the ups and the downs; the long nights staying up with you as a newborn; the long nights staying up with your dad, worried about where you are and what friends you're hanging out with.  I can't wait to see who you are, who you become, what you love, what you hate.  I can't wait to find out which parts of you are me, which parts of you are daddy, and which parts of you are, well, you.

We just. can't. wait. 

A backwards life moving forward... no way!

A weekend getaway in Yellow Springs held a lot of promises: reminiscing about our rekindled relationship 5 years prior, "decorative water holders," and some seriously quality people watching.

Reminiscing: check
Decorative Water Holder look out: check
People watching: check and check some more

But it was so much more than that. Special in every possible way.

It wasn't the ring.  It was what he said, how he said it, how he did it, what he meant and what the ring symbolizes. The commitment to each other is more valuable than anything else.

I will remember this moment for the rest of my life.  October 10, 2015

Instead of asking me to marry him, he asked me a question that's even more important than that: will you spend the rest of your life with me? 

Matthew, you are my world. My partner.  My everything.  The answer was, is and always will be yes!  Always know that while this ring symbolizes your commitment to me, our relationship and our family, I will only wear it with pride because I share the same commitment to you.  

My hopes for you and I

1. We find beauty in our wrinkles as we do in each other's smiles

2. We never forget to laugh and always know we can cry

3. We fight because we are fighting for a better us

4. We are always, always, always looking to be better individuals, partners and parents

5. We remember nothing is perfect, but what we have is perfect in it's own way

6. We learn from our struggles and come out better because of them

7. We never give up on ourselves or each other

With the fullest heart I could possibly have, thank you for making me feel so special, this weekend specifically but every day, too.