There are so many things people tell you about having a new tiny nugget in your life, most of which are either common sense, annoying or opinion-based. None of them could even come close to preparing me for a new baby. For shits and giggles, here are a few of my favorite (read: IWillPunchYouIfYouSayAnyOfTheseToMeEverAgain) pieces of advice:
"Sleep when the baby sleeps!"
"You will never know a love so strong."
"It won't be easy but it will be worth it."
"Don't carry the baby everywhere so they aren't spoiled."
"Breastfeeding is way better than formula feeding."
"Formula is a lot easier. Save yourself the stress and make him a bottle."
"All babies just poop, eat and sleep. That's it."
"It won't last - get it while you can."
"They grow up so fast."
"You should do this ____. It worked like a charm on baby [name]."
"You really don't need these things."
Don't get me wrong, advice is appreciated but tread carefully. Here are a few of the things people don't talk about and I wish they would have told me.
1. You will never know a love so strong that can hurt so bad. Have you ever loved someone so deeply that it pains you to leave them for just 10 minutes? Don't even get me started on the pouty face (lower lip sticking out) and what THAT will do to you when you love this little mini human to the deepest depths of your soul.
2. Upon becoming Momma Bear, you simultaneously bear the new title 'Super Bitch' and rightfully so. Before babe, you had some sort of discretion, even the worst of you. After? Forget about it. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, matters more than your little one and therefore pissing them off for the good of your child will not bother you one iota. All of a sudden you have no filter, your balls increase in size and you say whatever the hell you want, when you want, again, for the good of your child.
3. Crying. Crying is trying. But not all crying. No one told me that you would get used to your babies cry for food or because they need a new diaper. That's great - it becomes less of a cry and just their 'language.' But what they also didn't tell me is that those cries that are literally. just. cries.... will bring you to your knees. In fact, instead of Chinese Water Torture for terrorists, I suggest you stick them in a room with a pissed off baby for five hours.
4. No one ever told me that your emotions could be so flip. People only talk about the smiles and the giggles and so when that's NOT your baby, you question every last bit of your parenting skills. Here's the truth: newborns don't smile (unless they're farting or pooping) and they certainly don't giggle. And trust me when I say every parent has had a day where they question themselves, their ability to be a great mom or dad and question how they are going to survive parenthood. The good outweigh the bad hands down but during those tough times, it. will. be. HARD. Know you aren't alone and make sure you have someone you can open up to and vent to. No one is going to judge you for saying parenthood is hard (and if they do, tell them to kick boulders... hard).
5. You REALLY have to make an effort in your relationship after having baby. Sure people always said 'it's hard on your relationship' but never explained why. After spending 8 hours a day with a little one, basically at their beck and call (more or less functioning as a slave to a human that doesn't even know they have hands... or a tongue...), the last thing on your mind is making an effort. At that point, you probably want to hand off the little one to your partner, hide in a hot bath for a while, read a book or, *gasp* sleep. And if you are lucky enough to have an amazing man in your life like me, you'll be allowed to do those things... but don't take it OR him for granted. You have to find a way... to be the two of you again, to relax together again, to talk about something other than baby poop again (because that, my friends, is one of those things people always say and has a whole lot of merit to it - I've never talked about and analyzed poop so much in my life).
6. Breastfeeding IS hard (like they say) but it is beyond hard and exhausting. A few hours (to be repeated over and over and over and over again throughout the day) in the life of a mommy to a newborn (and even a two month old) looks like this:
8am - 8:30 Nurse
8:30-9 Pump
9-9:30 Store milk, clean pump parts, clean self, breathe, drink water, MAYBE eat something, start reading your book and then WAHHHHHHHHH FEED MEEEEEEEEEEE.
9:30 - 10 Nurse
10-10:30 Pump
etc. etc. You get it.
You literally feel like you are tethered to either a tiny little mouth or an electric machine. You are essentially a cow and the only thing that can make that not feel so awful is to be given such a romantic nickname by your significant other, such as 'Tits' (lol). But in all seriousness, it's an incredible bond that only you can share with your little one which makes all of the hard work and effort worth it ten times over.
One piece of advice that I've gotten time and time again is this:
This isn't forever.
Meant to console me during a rough patch, but in reality it should inspire you to enjoy every waking (and sleeping) moment with your little nugget because it really isn't forever. Max has changed so much in these last two months it's hard for me to even grasp it. He's gained 4 pounds (which doesn't sound like much but when you add that to a carseat... watch out Michelle Obama, you may have some arm competition), he smiles regularly, he is quite possibly teething, he's wearing SIX MONTH CLOTHES as a two month old, he loves to look at things that are grayscale and will be captivated by them for quite some time and he has gotten so much taller. He isn't a newborn anymore... but yet he's only two months old.
Maxwell James Zimmerman, happy 2 month birthday baby boy. You are the reason I do everything I do and you are worth every minute of missed sleep, every stinging tear and every single smile I shed. I love you bubby.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Monday, November 23, 2015
Confessions of a First Time Momma-to-Be... Part 17
All I can say is that you aren't even born and you are shocking me, impressing me, melting me.
On November 11th, your daddy and I volunteered at Lorain County Community College to allow the students to practice ultrasound on my belly (you!). At that point, I was 34 weeks pregnant with you, little man. As the student started taking measurements, your belly measured at 39 weeks, your head measured at 37 weeks and your femur measured at 38 weeks - Baby Z, they estimated your weight to be 6.5 pounds (average for 34 weeks is about 4 pounds!). Mom was shocked, dad was thrilled. But, as you'll learn eventually, there is an explanation for everything. It was possible that you were in such a strange position that the readings were inaccurate. The teacher decided to take her own measurements in the unlikely event that the student was measuring incorrectly. Her results were the same as the students. She recommended we call our doctor and see if she'd like to conduct an 'official' growth scan. Dr. Karth and Dr. Salah did.
Fast forward one week. Dr. Salah conducts the official growth scan. You are now measuring at 40 weeks for almost everything (your femur was at 39 weeks) and the estimated weight for you, little buddy, was 7.5 pounds. Here are the rest of the stats:
Your original due date has been (and still is) December 20, 2015 and your gestational age is how far along mommy is. Today, you are 36 weeks and 1 day.
With the new measurements, your gestatational age was at 40 weeks and the estimated due date is December 4, 2015. The doctor will not change your due date BUT... you are measuring ahead in all aspects. We go in today to see if there has been any progress.
Contractions started over this weekend which means my body is preparing to bring you into the world. We can't wait to meet you. It feels like you're never going to get here - we are so excited to look into your eyes, to hold your tiny (or not so tiny) body, to kiss your fingers and toes and to, for the first time in our lives, know what it's like to love something with more than we knew we were capable of. We already love you more than words can ever express but I promise you this: love only continues to grow and the minute we get to meet you will be the first day of the rest of our lives; of loving someone so wholly and fully; of putting a small little man ahead of anything and everything we've ever wanted for ourselves because you, my son, are the most important thing in our world.
Your daddy has been spending his nights and weekends working to make sure we have everything ready for your arrival. I hope that you take after him in so many ways and learn how to be a man from him; I hope you look up to him and I hope, in turn, he looks up to you and learns from you. There are no limits for you - only the limits you place on yourself.
As we get closer to meeting you, I'll tell you that I'm scared. Scared because your life is in my hands; scared because I'm responsible to teach you and lead you and be an example for you. But I'm also full of wonder and hope. Seeing you grow up will be hard but probably the most rewarding thing I do in life. I can't wait for the ups and the downs; the long nights staying up with you as a newborn; the long nights staying up with your dad, worried about where you are and what friends you're hanging out with. I can't wait to see who you are, who you become, what you love, what you hate. I can't wait to find out which parts of you are me, which parts of you are daddy, and which parts of you are, well, you.
We just. can't. wait.
On November 11th, your daddy and I volunteered at Lorain County Community College to allow the students to practice ultrasound on my belly (you!). At that point, I was 34 weeks pregnant with you, little man. As the student started taking measurements, your belly measured at 39 weeks, your head measured at 37 weeks and your femur measured at 38 weeks - Baby Z, they estimated your weight to be 6.5 pounds (average for 34 weeks is about 4 pounds!). Mom was shocked, dad was thrilled. But, as you'll learn eventually, there is an explanation for everything. It was possible that you were in such a strange position that the readings were inaccurate. The teacher decided to take her own measurements in the unlikely event that the student was measuring incorrectly. Her results were the same as the students. She recommended we call our doctor and see if she'd like to conduct an 'official' growth scan. Dr. Karth and Dr. Salah did.
Fast forward one week. Dr. Salah conducts the official growth scan. You are now measuring at 40 weeks for almost everything (your femur was at 39 weeks) and the estimated weight for you, little buddy, was 7.5 pounds. Here are the rest of the stats:
Your original due date has been (and still is) December 20, 2015 and your gestational age is how far along mommy is. Today, you are 36 weeks and 1 day.
With the new measurements, your gestatational age was at 40 weeks and the estimated due date is December 4, 2015. The doctor will not change your due date BUT... you are measuring ahead in all aspects. We go in today to see if there has been any progress.
Contractions started over this weekend which means my body is preparing to bring you into the world. We can't wait to meet you. It feels like you're never going to get here - we are so excited to look into your eyes, to hold your tiny (or not so tiny) body, to kiss your fingers and toes and to, for the first time in our lives, know what it's like to love something with more than we knew we were capable of. We already love you more than words can ever express but I promise you this: love only continues to grow and the minute we get to meet you will be the first day of the rest of our lives; of loving someone so wholly and fully; of putting a small little man ahead of anything and everything we've ever wanted for ourselves because you, my son, are the most important thing in our world.
Your daddy has been spending his nights and weekends working to make sure we have everything ready for your arrival. I hope that you take after him in so many ways and learn how to be a man from him; I hope you look up to him and I hope, in turn, he looks up to you and learns from you. There are no limits for you - only the limits you place on yourself.
As we get closer to meeting you, I'll tell you that I'm scared. Scared because your life is in my hands; scared because I'm responsible to teach you and lead you and be an example for you. But I'm also full of wonder and hope. Seeing you grow up will be hard but probably the most rewarding thing I do in life. I can't wait for the ups and the downs; the long nights staying up with you as a newborn; the long nights staying up with your dad, worried about where you are and what friends you're hanging out with. I can't wait to see who you are, who you become, what you love, what you hate. I can't wait to find out which parts of you are me, which parts of you are daddy, and which parts of you are, well, you.
We just. can't. wait.
Friday, November 6, 2015
A backwards life moving forward... no way!
A weekend getaway in Yellow Springs held a lot of promises: reminiscing about our rekindled relationship 5 years prior, "decorative water holders," and some seriously quality people watching.
Reminiscing: check
Decorative Water Holder look out: check
People watching: check and check some more
But it was so much more than that. Special in every possible way.
It wasn't the ring. It was what he said, how he said it, how he did it, what he meant and what the ring symbolizes. The commitment to each other is more valuable than anything else.
Reminiscing: check
Decorative Water Holder look out: check
People watching: check and check some more
But it was so much more than that. Special in every possible way.
It wasn't the ring. It was what he said, how he said it, how he did it, what he meant and what the ring symbolizes. The commitment to each other is more valuable than anything else.
I will remember this moment for the rest of my life. October 10, 2015
Instead of asking me to marry him, he asked me a question that's even more important than that: will you spend the rest of your life with me?
Matthew, you are my world. My partner. My everything. The answer was, is and always will be yes! Always know that while this ring symbolizes your commitment to me, our relationship and our family, I will only wear it with pride because I share the same commitment to you.
My hopes for you and I
1. We find beauty in our wrinkles as we do in each other's smiles
2. We never forget to laugh and always know we can cry
3. We fight because we are fighting for a better us
4. We are always, always, always looking to be better individuals, partners and parents
5. We remember nothing is perfect, but what we have is perfect in it's own way
6. We learn from our struggles and come out better because of them
7. We never give up on ourselves or each other
With the fullest heart I could possibly have, thank you for making me feel so special, this weekend specifically but every day, too.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Confessions of a First Time Momma-To-Be Part Tres
My little man...
A month or two ago your daddy and I went out and on our way home, we noticed a little grasshopper hanging out on the windshield. He had a broken leg and was pulling it along with him wherever he went. <<Eventually you'll know this about me but...I'm not a huge fan of bugs. Don't get me wrong, I'm not terrified of them but they don't give me the warm fuzzies either.>> So for this reason, I have NO idea why this little grasshopper bothered me so much. Maybe it was because he was hurt and I didn't know if he was in pain or not. Can grasshoppers even feel pain? It could have been because he was alone. OR, and most logically, it was probably because of the hormones surfing through my body at any given moment.
Okay, okay, fast forward to a week or so ago. On August 1st, your new baby cousin had a major scare when she was born. It was heartbreaking, horrific, incredibly scary and extremely exhausting. BUT, she ia one tough cookie and is home, safe and sound, with your Aunt and Uncle.
On that very same day, a tiny grasshopper crawled out of the car vent and started walking across my windshield. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Could it possibly be the same grasshopper from a few months back?
No, I MUST be losing my mind. This is what they mean by 'baby brain.'
Here's another lesson for you about mommy: she struggles with the concept of religion and belief in many things that are out of her control so believing that this grasshopper was the SAME grasshopper and sent here to deliver me a message is truly out of the realm of possibilities... but here we are.
So why do I feel like this little green guy on my windshield was a sign? A sign of new life, of revitalization, of health, of strength, of mending oneself? This little guy told me deep down that your cousin Mia was going to be okay. And directly related to that, seeing him gave me comfort in knowing that you are going to be okay too.
Remember that you are ALWAYS stronger than you think.
Remember that life always has a way of surprising you.
Remember that even in the bad, hopeless moments, something great can happen.
And don't ever forget that even a little green grasshopper can make a huge impact.
You're 21 weeks, 6 days today, kicking me like crazy, weighing about 13 oz. and measuring like a 10.5" banana. Keep growing, my little 'hopper, you can never know how incredible it is to feel you moving, growing, developing.
XoXo,
Mommy
A month or two ago your daddy and I went out and on our way home, we noticed a little grasshopper hanging out on the windshield. He had a broken leg and was pulling it along with him wherever he went. <<Eventually you'll know this about me but...I'm not a huge fan of bugs. Don't get me wrong, I'm not terrified of them but they don't give me the warm fuzzies either.>> So for this reason, I have NO idea why this little grasshopper bothered me so much. Maybe it was because he was hurt and I didn't know if he was in pain or not. Can grasshoppers even feel pain? It could have been because he was alone. OR, and most logically, it was probably because of the hormones surfing through my body at any given moment.
Okay, okay, fast forward to a week or so ago. On August 1st, your new baby cousin had a major scare when she was born. It was heartbreaking, horrific, incredibly scary and extremely exhausting. BUT, she ia one tough cookie and is home, safe and sound, with your Aunt and Uncle.
On that very same day, a tiny grasshopper crawled out of the car vent and started walking across my windshield. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Could it possibly be the same grasshopper from a few months back?
No, I MUST be losing my mind. This is what they mean by 'baby brain.'
Here's another lesson for you about mommy: she struggles with the concept of religion and belief in many things that are out of her control so believing that this grasshopper was the SAME grasshopper and sent here to deliver me a message is truly out of the realm of possibilities... but here we are.
So why do I feel like this little green guy on my windshield was a sign? A sign of new life, of revitalization, of health, of strength, of mending oneself? This little guy told me deep down that your cousin Mia was going to be okay. And directly related to that, seeing him gave me comfort in knowing that you are going to be okay too.
Remember that you are ALWAYS stronger than you think.
Remember that life always has a way of surprising you.
Remember that even in the bad, hopeless moments, something great can happen.
And don't ever forget that even a little green grasshopper can make a huge impact.
You're 21 weeks, 6 days today, kicking me like crazy, weighing about 13 oz. and measuring like a 10.5" banana. Keep growing, my little 'hopper, you can never know how incredible it is to feel you moving, growing, developing.
XoXo,
Mommy
Monday, July 20, 2015
Confessions of a First-Time-Momma-To-Be Part 2
Sweet baby Zimmerman, you have no idea what you've done to us already.
You are a mere 18 weeks and you've already made me catch my breath a few times now.
Saturday, your daddy and I went to the Lake Erie Crushers game with your grandma and grandpa. (Oh, little ZBug, you could not possibly know how excited those two are to meet you!) Grandma was talking to me about who-knows-what. Why can't I remember what she was saying? Because right then, in the hard plastic bleachers, as she was talking and fans were cheering, you moved. Not just once... you kept moving. And this time it wasn't the "millions of little bubbles" that I had felt before. No, this time it was YOU. It was a little tiny 5.6" YOU moving, turning, twisting, kicking... YOU.
The world just stopped for me. Right there, amongst all of the chaos, all I knew was you. Your daddy was excited too - he can't wait to be able to feel you moving in there! Keep it up, little one, those little movements will be what brings me to my knees; what makes me stop and take everything in; they'll be the things that remind me of what's important (and what's not); every little kick and punch is a reminder of YOU, our little blessing that's growing bigger each and every day.
We'll see you this Friday - it's (y)our anatomy appointment. Will we find out if you're going to be a little he or a little she? It won't matter either way - you are loved more than you can ever know, will ever know.
Love,
Mommy
You are a mere 18 weeks and you've already made me catch my breath a few times now.
Saturday, your daddy and I went to the Lake Erie Crushers game with your grandma and grandpa. (Oh, little ZBug, you could not possibly know how excited those two are to meet you!) Grandma was talking to me about who-knows-what. Why can't I remember what she was saying? Because right then, in the hard plastic bleachers, as she was talking and fans were cheering, you moved. Not just once... you kept moving. And this time it wasn't the "millions of little bubbles" that I had felt before. No, this time it was YOU. It was a little tiny 5.6" YOU moving, turning, twisting, kicking... YOU.
The world just stopped for me. Right there, amongst all of the chaos, all I knew was you. Your daddy was excited too - he can't wait to be able to feel you moving in there! Keep it up, little one, those little movements will be what brings me to my knees; what makes me stop and take everything in; they'll be the things that remind me of what's important (and what's not); every little kick and punch is a reminder of YOU, our little blessing that's growing bigger each and every day.
We'll see you this Friday - it's (y)our anatomy appointment. Will we find out if you're going to be a little he or a little she? It won't matter either way - you are loved more than you can ever know, will ever know.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Confessions of a First-Time-Momma-To-Be
Let me start by saying this is not a solicitation for advice. Those of you close to me know that I have absolutely no interest in unsolicited advice so please, kindly, take this for what it is - a simple blog to share emotions, laughter, fears and entertainment. Should I need advice, and trust me you, I will, I'll reach out. Until then... mums the word, got it?
Confessions of the first trimester:
1. Kid, you scare the bejeezus out of me. When that little test said 'Pregnant 3+ Weeks'... oh... my... I've never known a human can feel both absolute terror and pure joy at the same time.
2. Again, you scare me, a lot. You are made up of little pieces of me and little pieces of your daddy. That's it. Which means you are going to be stubborn, strong-willed, spontaneous, fierce, loving, caring, emotional, bold, temperamental, intelligent and so much more.
3. I don't know you yet and most days I can't even tell you're in there but your daddy does and he gives you a kiss every single night <3
4. You've already managed to bring out the crazy in me. The hormone train is here and it's not going anywhere!
5. You are the luckiest 14-week-old fetus ever. Your uncles have been tirelessly helping us get the house in order just for your arrival!
6. You've made me realize just how thankful I am to have insurance, whether it's the best insurance or not. One ultrasound cost $1,656. $0 of that was billed to me.
7. You have so many friends already! Gutschmidt's little one is due any day, Emily shortly thereafter and Erin just two months before you! How exciting to be able to share a time like this with friends and family?
8. The first trimester went way too fast. Granted, we didn't find out about you until 6 weeks in but still! And guess what? In about 5.5 weeks, we'll be half way through this amazing journey we're on together.
Here's too many many many more amazing journeys we'll share...
Welcome to my life, baby Zbug. Welcome. to. my life.
Confessions of the first trimester:
1. Kid, you scare the bejeezus out of me. When that little test said 'Pregnant 3+ Weeks'... oh... my... I've never known a human can feel both absolute terror and pure joy at the same time.
2. Again, you scare me, a lot. You are made up of little pieces of me and little pieces of your daddy. That's it. Which means you are going to be stubborn, strong-willed, spontaneous, fierce, loving, caring, emotional, bold, temperamental, intelligent and so much more.
3. I don't know you yet and most days I can't even tell you're in there but your daddy does and he gives you a kiss every single night <3
4. You've already managed to bring out the crazy in me. The hormone train is here and it's not going anywhere!
5. You are the luckiest 14-week-old fetus ever. Your uncles have been tirelessly helping us get the house in order just for your arrival!
6. You've made me realize just how thankful I am to have insurance, whether it's the best insurance or not. One ultrasound cost $1,656. $0 of that was billed to me.
7. You have so many friends already! Gutschmidt's little one is due any day, Emily shortly thereafter and Erin just two months before you! How exciting to be able to share a time like this with friends and family?
8. The first trimester went way too fast. Granted, we didn't find out about you until 6 weeks in but still! And guess what? In about 5.5 weeks, we'll be half way through this amazing journey we're on together.
Here's too many many many more amazing journeys we'll share...
Welcome to my life, baby Zbug. Welcome. to. my life.
 |
| 12w4d |
Thursday, March 5, 2015
The Older You Get
Does it strike anyone else that the older we get, the closer we are to evil and madness?
When I was 10 (guessing here. I truly don’t even remember being 10.), I wouldn’t call myself invincible or naive but I truly didn’t think the bad in the world would get to me. All of the horrible things you see on TV, in the movies, in the news: none of those would ever be a part of my life.
And yet, as I got older, maybe 16 or so, it became more and more clear that perhaps these things can touch my life. Maybe they will enter into my own world. I think I was 16 when I got into my first accident. Not a big deal, a simple fender bender. At the time, I wasn’t scared, and today I’m still not scared for my 16 year old self. Thinking back to my accident a few months ago with the semi truck, you better believe I was and am scared to death.
But now that I’m 28, pardon my french, “shit’s gettin’ real.”
I feel suffocated by the news; the insane amount of plane crashes, the horrible accidents all around and most shocking of all, while we were on vacation the following places within less than 5 miles of our own home were evacuated: the City of Bay Village, Marc’s of North Olmsted, Great Northern Mall.
Quite LITERALLY, the evil is closing in on me.
On Monday, I was given horrific news about someone in my circle. It was straight out of a Lifetime movie. The details aren’t what matters here. What matters is the fact that even to this very day, I NEVER thought I would have someone in my life affected by something so horrific. And yet, it happened. Simple as that. The news was given to me as if someone was saying “good morning.” And just like that, they walked away. Because what can you say? What can you do? You pass along the information and the burden is mine.
We can all try to be better people, better friends, better partners, better sons/daughters/cousins, etc. What we can’t do is control what comes at us; the unexpected; the unplanned; the truly (im)possible. Those are the things that threaten to break me. The things I let seep into my heart, my head and control my actions and my thoughts. I take on other burdens; I don’t know why and I don’t wish that I didn’t. But how, then, does one control the effect these burdens have on your own self? How do you take it all in, keep what you learn and rid yourself of what hurts?
I haven’t found that answer. I’m searching. I’ve been searching for some time now. I think the answer, in it’s most simplest form, is this: control what you can and battle what you can’t.
When I was 10 (guessing here. I truly don’t even remember being 10.), I wouldn’t call myself invincible or naive but I truly didn’t think the bad in the world would get to me. All of the horrible things you see on TV, in the movies, in the news: none of those would ever be a part of my life.
And yet, as I got older, maybe 16 or so, it became more and more clear that perhaps these things can touch my life. Maybe they will enter into my own world. I think I was 16 when I got into my first accident. Not a big deal, a simple fender bender. At the time, I wasn’t scared, and today I’m still not scared for my 16 year old self. Thinking back to my accident a few months ago with the semi truck, you better believe I was and am scared to death.
But now that I’m 28, pardon my french, “shit’s gettin’ real.”
I feel suffocated by the news; the insane amount of plane crashes, the horrible accidents all around and most shocking of all, while we were on vacation the following places within less than 5 miles of our own home were evacuated: the City of Bay Village, Marc’s of North Olmsted, Great Northern Mall.
Quite LITERALLY, the evil is closing in on me.
On Monday, I was given horrific news about someone in my circle. It was straight out of a Lifetime movie. The details aren’t what matters here. What matters is the fact that even to this very day, I NEVER thought I would have someone in my life affected by something so horrific. And yet, it happened. Simple as that. The news was given to me as if someone was saying “good morning.” And just like that, they walked away. Because what can you say? What can you do? You pass along the information and the burden is mine.
We can all try to be better people, better friends, better partners, better sons/daughters/cousins, etc. What we can’t do is control what comes at us; the unexpected; the unplanned; the truly (im)possible. Those are the things that threaten to break me. The things I let seep into my heart, my head and control my actions and my thoughts. I take on other burdens; I don’t know why and I don’t wish that I didn’t. But how, then, does one control the effect these burdens have on your own self? How do you take it all in, keep what you learn and rid yourself of what hurts?
I haven’t found that answer. I’m searching. I’ve been searching for some time now. I think the answer, in it’s most simplest form, is this: control what you can and battle what you can’t.
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