There are so many things people tell you about having a new tiny nugget in your life, most of which are either common sense, annoying or opinion-based. None of them could even come close to preparing me for a new baby. For shits and giggles, here are a few of my favorite (read: IWillPunchYouIfYouSayAnyOfTheseToMeEverAgain) pieces of advice:
"Sleep when the baby sleeps!"
"You will never know a love so strong."
"It won't be easy but it will be worth it."
"Don't carry the baby everywhere so they aren't spoiled."
"Breastfeeding is way better than formula feeding."
"Formula is a lot easier. Save yourself the stress and make him a bottle."
"All babies just poop, eat and sleep. That's it."
"It won't last - get it while you can."
"They grow up so fast."
"You should do this ____. It worked like a charm on baby [name]."
"You really don't need these things."
Don't get me wrong, advice is appreciated but tread carefully. Here are a few of the things people don't talk about and I wish they would have told me.
1. You will never know a love so strong that can hurt so bad. Have you ever loved someone so deeply that it pains you to leave them for just 10 minutes? Don't even get me started on the pouty face (lower lip sticking out) and what THAT will do to you when you love this little mini human to the deepest depths of your soul.
2. Upon becoming Momma Bear, you simultaneously bear the new title 'Super Bitch' and rightfully so. Before babe, you had some sort of discretion, even the worst of you. After? Forget about it. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, matters more than your little one and therefore pissing them off for the good of your child will not bother you one iota. All of a sudden you have no filter, your balls increase in size and you say whatever the hell you want, when you want, again, for the good of your child.
3. Crying. Crying is trying. But not all crying. No one told me that you would get used to your babies cry for food or because they need a new diaper. That's great - it becomes less of a cry and just their 'language.' But what they also didn't tell me is that those cries that are literally. just. cries.... will bring you to your knees. In fact, instead of Chinese Water Torture for terrorists, I suggest you stick them in a room with a pissed off baby for five hours.
4. No one ever told me that your emotions could be so flip. People only talk about the smiles and the giggles and so when that's NOT your baby, you question every last bit of your parenting skills. Here's the truth: newborns don't smile (unless they're farting or pooping) and they certainly don't giggle. And trust me when I say every parent has had a day where they question themselves, their ability to be a great mom or dad and question how they are going to survive parenthood. The good outweigh the bad hands down but during those tough times, it. will. be. HARD. Know you aren't alone and make sure you have someone you can open up to and vent to. No one is going to judge you for saying parenthood is hard (and if they do, tell them to kick boulders... hard).
5. You REALLY have to make an effort in your relationship after having baby. Sure people always said 'it's hard on your relationship' but never explained why. After spending 8 hours a day with a little one, basically at their beck and call (more or less functioning as a slave to a human that doesn't even know they have hands... or a tongue...), the last thing on your mind is making an effort. At that point, you probably want to hand off the little one to your partner, hide in a hot bath for a while, read a book or, *gasp* sleep. And if you are lucky enough to have an amazing man in your life like me, you'll be allowed to do those things... but don't take it OR him for granted. You have to find a way... to be the two of you again, to relax together again, to talk about something other than baby poop again (because that, my friends, is one of those things people always say and has a whole lot of merit to it - I've never talked about and analyzed poop so much in my life).
6. Breastfeeding IS hard (like they say) but it is beyond hard and exhausting. A few hours (to be repeated over and over and over and over again throughout the day) in the life of a mommy to a newborn (and even a two month old) looks like this:
8am - 8:30 Nurse
8:30-9 Pump
9-9:30 Store milk, clean pump parts, clean self, breathe, drink water, MAYBE eat something, start reading your book and then WAHHHHHHHHH FEED MEEEEEEEEEEE.
9:30 - 10 Nurse
10-10:30 Pump
etc. etc. You get it.
You literally feel like you are tethered to either a tiny little mouth or an electric machine. You are essentially a cow and the only thing that can make that not feel so awful is to be given such a romantic nickname by your significant other, such as 'Tits' (lol). But in all seriousness, it's an incredible bond that only you can share with your little one which makes all of the hard work and effort worth it ten times over.
One piece of advice that I've gotten time and time again is this:
This isn't forever.
Meant to console me during a rough patch, but in reality it should inspire you to enjoy every waking (and sleeping) moment with your little nugget because it really isn't forever. Max has changed so much in these last two months it's hard for me to even grasp it. He's gained 4 pounds (which doesn't sound like much but when you add that to a carseat... watch out Michelle Obama, you may have some arm competition), he smiles regularly, he is quite possibly teething, he's wearing SIX MONTH CLOTHES as a two month old, he loves to look at things that are grayscale and will be captivated by them for quite some time and he has gotten so much taller. He isn't a newborn anymore... but yet he's only two months old.
Maxwell James Zimmerman, happy 2 month birthday baby boy. You are the reason I do everything I do and you are worth every minute of missed sleep, every stinging tear and every single smile I shed. I love you bubby.
